30 Years of Tears
by Mexwojo
Summary: Have you ever wondered what was going on with Woody and Bug while they were climbing up the mountain after the plane crashed?


_**Disclaimer**__: I don't own Crossing Jordan. I don't own the story's title either, that was the song that was played at 'Crash', and at the Pilot. I found it to fit what I wanted to say and as a reference._

_**Summary: **__Have you ever wondered what was going on with Woody and Bug while they were climbing up the mountain after the plane crashed?_

_**A/N: **__I know we had our series' finale. However, there were scenes that left me craving for more. Explanation, culmination, I don't know, one minute after something like one hundred episodes was too little. _

_Thanks Kat, for everything. _

_I hope you enjoy!_

**30 Years of Tears.**

"_You really are a boy scout aren't you?"_ She looked at him, and although there was concern in her voice and in her eyes, she was convinced that he could do it. It was his nature.

"_Troop 1126"_ He replied with a smile. If they had a chance to survive, he needed to try. He had to do it for Garret, he was going to die from his injuries if he couldn't get to a hospital, and he was running out of time. But it was mostly for Jordan that he wanted to make the effort. He knew that she was dying of worry for her mentor. What wouldn't he do for this woman? His life was a short price to pay. However, he knew he could do it, he was trained to, so it was his mission to strive to reach a higher point on the mountain, so they could find a signal and send the SOS message.

Jordan didn't seem to digest the news well. This was for real! He genuinely was going to climb up the mountain in the middle of the night! She pulled Woody into her arms and hugged him tightly. If it were an option, she would ask him not to go…

"_If you die out there I'll kill you."_ She was fighting not to show her troubles. Even if her fears for him leaked through her eyes, her strength was only compared with his bravery.

Jordan watched him depart. A huge confrontation was taking place inside of her. There he was, the man that she loved with all her heart, leaving her, making an attempt to get them out of there. The danger of the mission that he wanted to accomplish… damn! That they _needed _him to achieve, was more than real. Behind her was the man she owed to who she was, her replacement father. She loved both men, and if one of them would die, she didn't want to imagine the pain, the guilt, the emptiness that would embrace her.

-----00000000000-----

Bug and Woody were silent the majority of the journey, and the walk was more than challenging. They weren't equipped, nor were they wearing the right clothes. They didn't really know how far they needed to walk, and they didn't know when they were going to get to the top of the mountain. The only thing they were certain about was that they were going do whatever it took to succeed.

"_Woody, I want to ask you something."_ Bug said between labored breaths as he continued climbing up.

"_Yes?_ " Woody was entirely focused on the walking, he had been absorbed in his own thoughts and Bug's voice wakened him up from his reverie.

Bug, who had been leading the expedition, suddenly stopped and gripped Woody's arm. It was pitch black, and they could hardly distinguish their shapes in the dark.

However, Bug made it sure that Woody would be listening to him, for whatever that he needed to say by making eye contact with him. The light coming from his helmet blinded him, until he adjusted to the lighting. Bug was serious, he had an anxious glint in his eyes, and the lines that were drawn on his face showed something that could be determination.

That gesture took Woody by surprise; his friend wasn't the type of guy who wore his emotions on his sleeve.

"_If I don't make it, promise m__e that Lily's gonna know that I __did__ everything I could to return to her side. Promise me that you're gonna help her out with Maddie."_ There was a final resolution to his tone as he spoke.

'Oh, no! No farewells, not yet!' It was the first thing that came to Woody's mind. _"You don't have to ask for anything… we're gonna get out of here, have some faith buddy."_ He uttered, as he was struggling to catch his breath. He had been repeating that thought like a mantra the whole journey. Bug had always been a strong guy. There was no way he was going to surrender, even if adversity was striking him with every step he made.

"_I'm doing all I can, and believe me, if I had to do more, I would do it. But… you have to be realistic. So, promise me…"_ Bug replied.

A man of facts – that was what he had in front of him. He realized that Bug wasn't giving up, but confronting what could happen to him. Even if they fought beyond their own capacity, the worst could happen. It was only natural for a man of science to be so crude and yet so right.

"_I promise."_ Woody finally said.

Bug nodded and released him from his grip. They continued for the long haul walk.

Every single footstep they made was a test. There were sections of ground where the snow was soft. It must have been snowing very recently. Their feet sank in the soft snow and it made very complicated to get them out of there. However, there was one fact that was to their side, Mother Nature was treating them gently. The night was quiet, not a signal of another forthcoming snowstorm. The quietness was surreal. They could hear each other's effort, breathing heavily, cracking fallen branches on the ground and the sound of their clothes stroking against their legs and their arms as they walked.

There were many reasons to be silent. The surroundings invited reflection; they weren't in the mood for chatting. Their spirits called for self reinforcement. They needed to concentrate on where they were stepping. Woody was consulting a compass and leaving pieces of red cord on every other tree, as a guide for their return operation. However, above all that, what they required most was the energy to keep walking.

Every word uttered meant a huge effort. The freeze penetrated to their lungs, making it very painful to breath. So, for Bug to talk again, it took an inner driven force that imposed to his words, the relevance of what he wanted to say.

"_Woody…"_ He voiced as a question. He didn't stop this time.

"_Yes Bug."_ Woody struggled to answer.

"_You don't want me to do something for you?"_ Said the coroner, his attention was still focused on the expedition.

The question startled him. Who would he want to contact if he died? Certainly not his brother… "_Like what? I don't have anybody to…"_

"_What about Jordan?"_ Bug interrupted. His tone was nonchalant.

'Oh, her…' He felt heaviness in his guts. His chest was hurting. It was for the effort he was going through, but it was also because of her. _"Yeah… It's complicated."_

"_But, you love her."_ Bug asserted.

Woody found it embarrassing that it wasn't a question. _"Yeah, I do… Is __it__ that obvious?"_

"_Well, she once told me about your mating dance… and yes, it's pretty obvious…"_ Bug replied. He was striving to make it a casual talking, he knew in self experience, how much strength required to accept and confront ones' fears about love.

"_She told you?"_ Jordan speaking to her friends about that kind of matter was something unusual, definitely not the string of issues she was comfortable with. He was surprised, it made him wonder what could it imply. _"Well, I love her… I don't know if she loves me, though. She cares about me, I know that. We are friends. We've always been friends. Anything more than that, I don't know…" _

"_But you're doing this for her,__ aren't__ you?"_ Bug paused, he needed to recover in order to continue. He took a deep breath as he rested a second, clutching his hand on a branch to hold his weight.

"_You know, I'm doing this for Dr. Macy, but mostly I'm doing this for Lily, and for Maddie. I don't want to cause Lily pain. I don't want to leave her alone after all we've been through. I have a child now, everything is different… "_

Woody stopped in front of him. Bug was opening his soul to him. It was only fair to be as honest as he was. _"We've been through a lot too. I've been such an asshole. If I ever stood a chance before, I wasted it."_ It was too painful to recognize how he had screwed things up with Jordan. "_But you're right, I love her, and I'm doing this for her…" _

Bug stared at him, and he uttered rather gravelly. _"You must tell her, Woody. Even if we don't die, you should tell her…"_ Then he returned to his task, walking furiously and taking the lead again.

-----00000000000-----

The walk back to the plane crash site was gloomy. They both were crestfallen.

The transmitter didn't function.

Their chances of being rescued on time had narrowed to almost zero. However, they weren't anxious because their own lives were on danger, or the wild weather they were wrestling, but because the fate their beloved ones would be facing.

He couldn't save Jordan! How could he return and tell her that the transmitter didn't work? That it was almost certain that Garret was going to die. That she could die.

What would he do if she died?

Watching her live with somebody else had been agonizing. When she had needed to disappear after she was framed for her boyfriend's murder, her grieving after everything was cleared out, it all had been excruciating for him to no extent.

Her brain surgery had almost caused him to snap.

After all, he had survived because she was still near him. He could watch her. She was still alive and she was his friend. But what would he do if she died? If it was for sure that there wasn't a rescue team for them?

And if he died before she would? Who would watch after her if Garret and he died?

Oh God! He needed to survive for her, Bug was right.

Did he have to tell her that he loved her, too?

Woody reflected on his life, the long way back to Jordan. He thought of his dad, his brother, all his losses… his "almost friends" like Lu. He thought of his friends -Garret, Nigel, Lily, Bug himself, and how beyond them all, there had always been Jordan. He had been doomed the very day he decided to try a life in Boston. She had been the one that had given meaning to his life. He had been blinded by her luminosity, her intelligence, her fight for justice, her admirable strength, her determination, her beauty.

It had always been her.

Of course, he had to tell her that he loved her. It wasn't as if he was asking for something or anything. After all, that was what friends did, stand by each other and trust, tell the truth. He didn't have anything to lose, he had lost everything. He had lost her after JD and after Lu. But she was still his friend.

He owed her that much.

-----00000000000-----

Very early in the morning, at the crash site, Woody went to the campfire to put some dry logs and keep the fire alive. He sat by its side, on a big log. He was exhausted after the long haul he had made. His whole body hurt like hell, his back was destroyed. His old injury was reminding him how difficult it had been to overcome it. However, none of these physical sufferings were important to him as he was gathering courage for what he was determined to do.

Confess his love to Jordan.

How could he? It all had gone wrong last night. He didn't want to remember her sad eyes. Their destinies had collapsed.

He was lost in this depressing contemplation when he saw her. She was approaching him. She still wanted to be with him after his failure. Jordan sat by his side on the log and took his hand. She was caressing his hand in their hold. Those were poignant and glorious moments for him.

He embraced her.

They were quiet. He was patting her arm with his hand in his embrace. It felt comforting to him that she was seeking his warmth. He was thanking God for it.

Suddenly, she broke the silence. She looked up to him. _"Woody, I don't know what's gonna happen up here. But, uh, there's something I have to say. Just so you know, uh…"_ She took a deep breath and drowned in the look in his eyes. This was an un-walled woman in front of him, she showed vulnerability, and something else he had somehow recognized in her look from some other very rare moments.

"_I love you."_

He couldn't believe it, what was it? Was this a declaration of love, from her?

" _Jordan"_ he interrupted.

She didn't allow him to speak, she continued with what she needed to say to him. It was maybe the last chance she had to do it. _"I'm not asking for anything __up __here. I just, you know. Uh, I just don't want it left unsaid. Feels like my whole life I've been so focused on death. You know, my Mom, my job and uh…I think I've…I've just been afraid of really living, you know."_

What could he tell her? That he was about to do the same thing as she did? Make a speech? Leave his fate to his words? It had always proven to give him bad results.

Woody leaned in to kiss her. It was the best way he found to say all he wanted to her. It wasn't passion, or wanting or anything like that. It was reassurance, longing for their friendship, thanking her for saving him from his own incapacity to express his feelings, but it was mainly love.

It was finally a love kiss.

Simple, sweet, promising.

It was the transformation of their many years of tears to love.

It was funny how hope was teasing him. A minute before Jordan had come to sit by his side, his hope had been a ghost that had drifted away with the malfunctioning transmitter.

Right now, there was another kind of hope that was enveloping him. It empowered him, the wild, frozen mountain was nothing compared to what he could do for her.

The future was uncertain. Death was a threat. However, they knew something now. They had each other, and that gave their souls the courage to face anything, together.


End file.
